Finding Commitment After Divorce

Last Friday a dear friend of mine, Jill Luna, shared with us her experience having gone through two failed marriages before finally trusting God and His plan for her life. In her post, she tells how God helped her find a husband that would love her and was committed to her even when she was afraid and looking for excuses for him to leave her. You can read the rest of her experience here.

Picture from my book "Don't Quit".

Picture from my book “Don’t Quit”.

Today I want to talk just a little more about divorce. Several years ago, my husband pastored a small church in Kingsville, Tx. For a short time that church offered a program called “Divorce Care” to help divorced men and women to cope through the pain of rejection.

During one of the sessions my husband asked me to talk with the ladies in a separate class while he talked with the men. During the class, we watched a video and then had a discussion time.

One of the ladies in the class asked me a question that has never left me. “How do I find the right person now? Where is Mr. Right?”

I gave her an answer but many years later I’ve thought even deeper on that question. Where can a person find love and commitment after the pain of divorce? How do some people have “perfect” marriages but others just can’t seem to find the right one?

Here is my answer: You have to work on yourself first.

It’s like my husband always says, “God isn’t going to give one of his jewels to swine.”

You must trust Him to find that “perfect” match for you. You must work on your own life and your own weaknesses before searching for another relationship.

A person that immediately jumps into another relationship without drawing closer to God and seeking His will first, will be met with even more heartache. How can they expect to find a happy marriage if they haven’t found God’s will for them first?

They are lonely. They are hurting. They are angry.

One pretty face and sympathetic ear and they find themselves infatuated with someone else that may be just as broken and hurting as they are.

Are they in the right mindset to marry again? But in most cases they do marry this “dream” person and think that everything will be alright.

However they wind up facing the same challenges that they had in their first failed marriage. They are still wounded and hurting and now the wound is being reopened by someone that they thought would comfort them.

Sometimes it is so easy to just quit. Give the excuse that they would be happier apart. Break up. Just to start the cycle again.

This is not how God intended marriage to be!

Marriage is suppose to be about mutual commitment. In the Divorce Care program that our church offered, we recommended that anyone who had gone through a divorce wait a couple of months for every year they were married before remarrying.

This is suppose to give a person time to heal and grow in God’s grace before seeking another relationship to fulfill them. God needs to be the one that fulfills you.

Don’t put all your trust on an imperfect human being. You will be disappointed. However you can always trust God to give you what is best for you. Trust Him!

You can find love and commitment after divorce.

Jill Luna’s story is a perfect example of that. After two failed marriages she drew closer to God. She became active in her church. Jill trusted in God to provide for her emotional needs. Then God provided a man that promised to never leave her no matter what. That is commitment.

Read Jill’s story in her own words here.

That is what I am talking about. If you trust God, he will provide for you.

Sure you can find a sympathetic ear in a bar somewhere but is that really the kind of person God wants for you? Trust God! He will bring the right man or woman into your life.

But prepare yourself to receive God’s best for you.

What do you think? Do you trust God to do what is best for you? Or have you tried to take finding a relationship into your own hands? As always feel free to share with me in the comments or reply to my email if you would like to talk with me privately. I’d love to hear from you.

This is Day 19 in the series 31 Days Building Commitment. If you haven’t already be sure to check out my new book “Don’t Quit: Build a Legacy of Commitment” which is my basic outline for this series.

 

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Finding Commitment Against the Odds (Guest Post)

This is a guest post by my childhood friend, Jill Luna. Who shares with us her story of finding commitment.

Neglect. Rejection. Abandonment. These are not three of the prettiest words known to mankind. Upon reading them, most of us may have a mental picture quickly flash before us from a moment in life where we experienced at least one.

The Luna Family

The Luna Family

Love. Acceptance. Commitment. Ahh, now those words, they bring us comfort. Unfortunately not everyone can conjure up joyful memories upon reading those.

For me, marriage was defined with the first set of words. My marriage would fall into neglect. My husband would reject me. I would experience the full force of abandonment.

But this is just how things are in society today. It’s an “out with the old and in with the new” kind of world. When the older version of something just isn’t working anymore simply upgrade to the newer model, right?

That’s not God’s design for marriage. Let me tell you what is: that second set of words. And for those of you out there like me, once you’ve been tossed to the wayside like yesterday’s leftovers the thought of someone ever fully embracing you with love, acceptance, and commitment is frightening.

How frightening?

Let’s put it this way: You’re about to roll doubles for the third time in traditional Monopoly*, and you’re hoping somehow your current landing on the Community Chest will bring you the good fortune of drawing that splendid, yellow Get Out of Jail Free card. Because you suffering once again in the prison of pain from a failed marriage is not what you’re all about. No, no. You’re smarter now. You’ll bail out of this gig first because you’re not going to be the one hurt and left behind this round.

You’ve just got to draw that little, yellow card, you think. Because to accept God’s design…well…is just insane!

But I did.

After two failed (and brief) marriages, I not only accepted God’s plan for marriage but prior to that, I accepted His son, Jesus Christ, and what He did on the cross for my sins. All of the brokenness. All of the fear. And all of the pain. It had to become His, because only He could dissolve it and completely wash it away.

Oh sure, for the first few years I gave my husband every excuse in the book why we should quit—reasons that may have been legitimate (I wasn’t kind to him that day) to great absurdities (I didn’t like my nose). Nothing worked. Why? During our courtship period (a time of counseling by our church’s Singles Pastor), my husband made it very clear to me that—and I quote, “You’re stuck with me.” His tenacity to love, accept, and commit to me were perplexing—and frightening.

Where is that Get Out of Jail Free card?!

My husband’s resolve stemmed from growing up and seeing firsthand what broken marriages can do to people, and he determined early in life that he would marry only once. Through the years, I’ve come to understand that God wants us to surrender all fears of neglect, rejection, and abandonment and to fully embrace His ways. Why?

As Christ began His journey to the cross, He could have easily bailed out, calling on legions of angels to remove Him from suffering for our sins (see Matthew 26:53). But He didn’t. Hebrews 12:2 tells us that, “For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame.” His example is ours to take on as we chose His design for marriage to love, accept, and commit–every day, every decision. And in this we find joy, and fear needs to no longer hold us back.

My husband and I will celebrate our 13th anniversary this weekend. I’ve quit looking for that little, yellow card.

*Rolling doubles three times in a row in traditional Monopoly causes the player to go directly to jail.

jilllunaprofilepicJill Luna has been saved by the grace of God through her Lord & Savior Jesus Christ for 17 years now. In that time, she has been involved in ministry for children, preteens, and youth as well as drama, sign language, and dance ministries. She is a homeschool mother of 3 sons with over a decade of experience in that wonderful journey. She likes dark chocolate and one day hopes to operate her sewing machine successfully.

This guest post by Jill Luna is Day 17 in the series of 31 Days Building Commitment.

Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a painful situation? Do you have a story of finding grace and forgiveness even when it felt the odds were against you? Please share with us in the comments.

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