Last Friday a dear friend of mine, Jill Luna, shared with us her experience having gone through two failed marriages before finally trusting God and His plan for her life. In her post, she tells how God helped her find a husband that would love her and was committed to her even when she was afraid and looking for excuses for him to leave her. You can read the rest of her experience here.
Today I want to talk just a little more about divorce. Several years ago, my husband pastored a small church in Kingsville, Tx. For a short time that church offered a program called “Divorce Care” to help divorced men and women to cope through the pain of rejection.
During one of the sessions my husband asked me to talk with the ladies in a separate class while he talked with the men. During the class, we watched a video and then had a discussion time.
One of the ladies in the class asked me a question that has never left me. “How do I find the right person now? Where is Mr. Right?”
I gave her an answer but many years later I’ve thought even deeper on that question. Where can a person find love and commitment after the pain of divorce? How do some people have “perfect” marriages but others just can’t seem to find the right one?
Here is my answer: You have to work on yourself first.
It’s like my husband always says, “God isn’t going to give one of his jewels to swine.”
You must trust Him to find that “perfect” match for you. You must work on your own life and your own weaknesses before searching for another relationship.
A person that immediately jumps into another relationship without drawing closer to God and seeking His will first, will be met with even more heartache. How can they expect to find a happy marriage if they haven’t found God’s will for them first?
They are lonely. They are hurting. They are angry.
One pretty face and sympathetic ear and they find themselves infatuated with someone else that may be just as broken and hurting as they are.
Are they in the right mindset to marry again? But in most cases they do marry this “dream” person and think that everything will be alright.
However they wind up facing the same challenges that they had in their first failed marriage. They are still wounded and hurting and now the wound is being reopened by someone that they thought would comfort them.
Sometimes it is so easy to just quit. Give the excuse that they would be happier apart. Break up. Just to start the cycle again.
This is not how God intended marriage to be!
Marriage is suppose to be about mutual commitment. In the Divorce Care program that our church offered, we recommended that anyone who had gone through a divorce wait a couple of months for every year they were married before remarrying.
This is suppose to give a person time to heal and grow in God’s grace before seeking another relationship to fulfill them. God needs to be the one that fulfills you.
Don’t put all your trust on an imperfect human being. You will be disappointed. However you can always trust God to give you what is best for you. Trust Him!
You can find love and commitment after divorce.
Jill Luna’s story is a perfect example of that. After two failed marriages she drew closer to God. She became active in her church. Jill trusted in God to provide for her emotional needs. Then God provided a man that promised to never leave her no matter what. That is commitment.
Read Jill’s story in her own words here.
That is what I am talking about. If you trust God, he will provide for you.
Sure you can find a sympathetic ear in a bar somewhere but is that really the kind of person God wants for you? Trust God! He will bring the right man or woman into your life.
But prepare yourself to receive God’s best for you.
What do you think? Do you trust God to do what is best for you? Or have you tried to take finding a relationship into your own hands? As always feel free to share with me in the comments or reply to my email if you would like to talk with me privately. I’d love to hear from you.
This is Day 19 in the series 31 Days Building Commitment. If you haven’t already be sure to check out my new book “Don’t Quit: Build a Legacy of Commitment” which is my basic outline for this series.
Anastacia, that is good, solid wisdom for people who have gone through a divorce. Maybe you should be writing an advice column? Or maybe you already are…
Kathleen Caron recently posted…an elegy for vietnam: review of “as the heart bones break” by audrey chin
Thank you, Kathleen.
I do a lot of counseling privately. I just never thought about starting a once a week readers’ questions/ advice column. Of course I would only address the questions that readers specifically agree for me to address in a blog post anonymously with a pseudo-name or with their real name if they don’t mind it being shared. That’s definitely worth thinking about. Thanks for the idea!
Anastacia Maness recently posted…Finding Commitment After Divorce