Category: marriage

Marriage: Commitment on Your Wedding Day

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The big day has come. You are prepared. You know you are marrying the man God has for you. The two of you have studied and worked through your differences. You’ve discussed your plans. You are ready!

wedding2Now it is time. You are now about to make the promises you should have already made in your heart but this time you will be voicing these vows before witnesses.

Some people use vows prepared by the preacher leading the ceremony. Other’s write customized vows that are more personal. There really isn’t a problem with either of these methods as long as you really mean what you are saying and are not just saying words.

Whichever vows you choose to use, you should be promising to love, honor, and cherish your spouse for better or worse, whether they are rich or poor, while they are healthy and when they are sick. You are promising that no matter what happens you are going to stay together until death. Nothing will part you.

You will put rings on each other’s finger as a reminder of these promises.

What is it you are promising anyway? These are not to be just words.

1. You are promising to love them. Love is not just a feeling. It is something you do for someone else. You will do what is best for that person even if they do not realize that is what they need.

2. You will honor them. Honor means respect. You will not look down on your spouse. You take what they say under consideration and speak well of them around other people.

3. Cherish them. Be there for them. Help them and encourage them. Hold them close.

Think of your favorite possession. How do you treat that item? Do you throw it around and mistreat it? No. You cherish it, treat it with great care and attention. You don’t want to lose it. So you keep it in a special place. When you look upon it you do so with care and joy. You will not let any harm come to it. It is your special treasure.

That is how you should treat your spouse. They are your beloved. You want only what is best for them. You treat them with compassion and care. Don’t break them by saying ugly or mean things to them. Their feelings are valuable. Take care of them. Hold them close and treat them better than you do yourself. If anyone else tried to hurt your beloved whether it is family, friend, or foe, you will not let them. You will defend your beloved with your words and actions.

4. For better or worse. You will do what is best for your spouse whether it is a good time or not. If it is what is best for you or if it seems like the worse time to do what is right. You are still going to be committed to your spouse.

5. For richer or poorer. Hard times will hit. If you lose your job for whatever reason, the two of you will stay together. The bills come in faster than the money is coming in. You will work together to solve the problem. Perhaps you will even have to move into a smaller house. Circumstances will not matter because you are committed to doing what is best for this person no matter what. Even if you have to give up some of the things you love because you cannot afford them at the time. You will do so knowing that your love and commitment to your spouse is above any possession or financial gain you could have.

6. In sickness and in health: If a major illness hits your beloved, you will not leave them stranded and wounded. You will still be there for them. Even if they were to be physically or mentally affected for life. You are still motivated by love, only doing what is best for them. No matter what society says or thinks, you would want your spouse to stand by you if your health had failed. This is the time to do unto your spouse what you would have them do unto you in the same situation.

7. ‘Til death do you part. You will stay true to your beloved. Nothing else will separate you. Divorce is not an option. Should the health of the person cause mental issues that make them abusive, you may have to get them medical help and you may have to keep yourself safe from physical harm. However that does not mean you should leave them. They are still your spouse. Your cherished treasure. If a part of your treasured possession is broken you will do whatever it is in your power to help fix the broken shards that are trying to hurt you.

These things should be on your mind when you commit your life to love, honor, and cherish your spouse. Taking care of this treasure God has given you is worth all the time and effort you need to work on it. If you love your spouse you will be their for them.

Do you love, honor, and cherish your spouse? Please share your experience with me in the comments.

This is Day 14 of 31 Days Building Commitment. Tomorrow I will be discussing how to have a happy marriage after the honeymoon phase is over.

 

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Engaged Preparing for Marriage

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Alright! So you read yesterday’s post. You prayed about it and you’ve decided that this is definitely the person God would have you marry. You are both on the same page. In fact you both read that post and were in agreement.

What? You didn’t think about sharing the post “Engagement: Point of Decision” with your fiance? Okay real quick click the link here and go down to the share button and send it. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

engagedThat didn’t take long. After reading that page, I will assume right now that you both are in agreement. Now it is time for the two of you to prepare for marriage.

No. I don’t mean picking out flowers and the wedding dress. I mean preparing mentally and spiritually.

I could write a whole book just on ways to prepare for marriage. For now I will share what my husband and I did.

  1. We decided which church we would attend together. When we first met I was the Sunday School teacher for the teen class at the church where my dad pastored. Scott was a member of a larger Baptist Church where he was helping with an ESL ministry. We decided we needed to choose one place to worship together. I decided that I would follow him and join the church where he was a member.
  2. We had one session of premarital counseling with the pastor of the church we planned to attend together. I think we might could have had a little more counseling but the pastor saw that we were committed to each other and loaned us some videos to watch instead of having us back for any further counseling.
  3. We watched marriage videos and read books on marriage. Now with the internet there are a lot more resources available to engaged couples preparing for marriage than there were 17 years ago. One great resource is Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk marriage videos. He has also written quite a few books. We also studied Larry Burkett’s books and videos on budgeting and finances.
  4.  We took a marriage and family class together. You may not be able to find a marriage class in your area. However I know there are a lot more resources online now. In fact just going through this 31 Day Series on Building Commitment you will get a lot. When I am done with this series my husband and I may start working on creating an online marriage course through Rock Solid Family.
  5.  We found out our personality types. I remember in the Marriage and Family class we took, the instructor looked at my chart and told Scott, “You won’t have any problems with her. She knows exactly who she is and is comfortable being that way.”  He was mostly right, except the person I was comfortable being was exactly opposite of the man I was marrying. So we still had to learn to adjust and work on our weaknesses and help build each other up instead of hurting each other. And we had to realize that a lot of the things we did differently were a matter of personality and we had to be patient with each other.

How about you? Do you have any advice on ways to prepare for marriage? What resources would you recommend to engaged couples to help them prepare for marriage and raising a family? I know I didn’t cover all of the great resources available in this post so I would love to hear what I might have missed in the comments below.

This is Day 13 of 31 Days Building Commitment. Check back tomorrow as we look at marriage life after you say, “I do.” If you know someone that might benefit from what you are reading here please share any of these posts with them. 

~♥~ Anastacia ~♥~

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Commitment to Resist Temptations (Guest Post Part 2)

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This is a continuation of yesterday’s guest post by my husband, Scott Maness. In yesterday’s post Scott told us about commitment despite his childhood circumstances. We got to see a little bit into his life and how he found God to be the answer to what he was seeking.

How did he resist the temptation to get involved in the bad examples and peer pressure around him? What kept him committed to purity despite the temptations from every turn even when he moved away from home?

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Art Credit: Scott Maness

 I kept myself from temptation by following the words of the Psalmist.

“Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word. With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments. Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee. Blessed art thou, O LORD: teach me thy statutes. With my lips have I declared all the judgments of thy mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of thy testimonies, as much as in all riches. I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways. I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word.”

– Psalms 119:9-16 KJV

 

(9) “Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.”

The psalmist is asking the question, “How can a young man keep himself pure?” and the answer is by listening to what God has to say. He can’t help us if we are not willing to listen to Him.

(10) “With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments.”

We can’t just seek God half way. We can’t just make a show of seeking Him like so many do. We have to actually genuinely look for God with everything in us . Our whole heart has to be involved.

 (11) “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”

We need to take God’s word and hide it in our heart and treasure it up for those times when temptation will come. That means we need to memorize it and use it. 

Which is also the secret for a good marriage. If you love your wife and work hard at loving her, treat her well, and have a good relationship at home, temptation will be reduced around you. Your soul will not hunger or long for anything else. 

If you hide God’s word in your heart there is no room for garbage. Whenever someone or something tries to get in your way, you have God’s words right there speaking to your heart. 

 (12) “Blessed art thou, O LORD: teach me thy statutes.”

We need God to teach us daily from the things He has written. His instructions will deliver us from manifold troubles.

(13) “With my lips have I declared all the judgments of thy mouth.”

We need to be willing to share God’s word with others and also be willing to share the good things that God has done for us.

 (14) “I have rejoiced in the way of thy testimonies, as much as in all riches.”

We need to be at the point in walking with the Lord, where we truly feel rich in His presence not with the wealth of this world but with the far greater riches of His wisdom and glory.

What more do we need? He is our all sufficient Savior.

(15) “I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways.”

When we spend time deeply thinking on the things of God, we have much better answers for problems here in life. We can make better sense of the chaos in our lives.

 (16) “I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word.”

God’s word needs to become our delight. If God’s word is our delight then the traps of this world will not bring us the pleasure it once did.  If our delight is in Him, we will not need anything else because our hearts will be in Him.

Staying true to His word is what will keep you pure for whoever God has for you. That is really the secret.

Are you strong in God’s word? What verses do you have in your heart that you turn to when you are tempted? Please tell us about it in the comments.

scottScott Maness is the husband of Anastacia Maness (that’s me) and is the father of 6. When he is not busy teaching his children art, music, and foreign languages, he pastors New Hope Missionary Baptist Church near Houston, Tx and works in the Technology Department in the local public school system.   He has a Bachelors of Theology Diploma from Texas Baptist Institute-Seminary. You can follow him on his blog at http://lighthouse117.blogspot.com, add +Scott Maness to your circles on Google+, and subscribe to his YouTube channel.

 

This is Day 10 of 31 Days Building Commitment. This series expounds upon my latest book, Don’t Quit: Build a Legacy of Commitment which my husband helped illustrate. You can get your free copy here.

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Commitment for the Single

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Many people may feel that the topic I am writing on today is not very important. However I feel this may be one of the most important posts. 

Your single years are some of the most crucial in your future marriage. This is where you make some of your choices that will effect you for the rest of your life. I realize that some have made bad choices and managed to finally find happiness and commitment after many years of heartache. It did make them stronger.

However there are plenty of other cases where those who have gone through that experience  

When I was a young teenager, my dad made one very simple but helpful rule for me and my sister.

A youth worker in our church had a rule for his daughter that she could not date until she was 16. Sstacieseniorhe was pregnant by 17.  

My Dad made it a rule that my sister and I couldn’t date until we were 18. In other words, we don’t start dating until we are old enough to move out. 

Do you realize how good that rule was for me? I had the freedom to tell boys, “No. My dad won’t let me.” 

I was a socially awkward child and it wasn’t until High School that I finally began to figure out how to hold my own in a conversation. I even became somewhat witty when people teased me. I was very nice and a pretty good listener so I had quite a few friends. I considered a person a friend if they were nice to me. No one really invited me to parties or such. I think they knew I wouldn’t be into that sort of thing. Socially awkward remember.

Don’t get me wrong. I was flattered any time a boy showed interest in me. In fact I’m afraid my constant telling them, “No,” might have made me seem like more of a challenge. I’m not sure. But I will say that I stood my ground. I didn’t need a boyfriend. I was pretty proud of my ability to snub them. Some reason there was some feeling of power in the ability to say, “No.” 

In High School I was finally beginning to realize what it meant to live for God.

I realized the depth of my childhood sins when I was 10. To some people my sins would be considered small. I lied. I stole something from the refrigerator before. I wasn’t always nice to my siblings. (Do not ask my brother for examples.) I hid the truth.

I wanted attention in school and had lied thinking that kids would like me better. I had even gone forward to be baptized without really accepting Christ as my Savior. I was guilty. I wasn’t even willing to admit my sins to my parents. I remember my stomach would hurt from a guilty conscience. 

Then at Church Camp when I was 10 years old, I got my life right with God. After a long line of kids gave their testimonies. That feeling of guilt weighing on my mind when my friends tried to get me to give my testimony was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. As we walked to the cafeteria, I told my Dad that I wanted to talk with him. 

He told me we could talk after lunch. So after the longest lunch in my life, we went and sat on a bench under a pavilion. I told him that I wanted to be saved. He read me the Bible passages that showed me that I was a sinner and how Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment of my sins. All I needed was to repent of my sins (tell Jesus that I was sorry and really mean it.) I accepted Jesus as my Savior right then and there. I am so glad I did.

After I was saved I chose to be dedicated in following Christ. It took me a couple of years to finally understand what it was God wanted me to do.

I was learning what it meant to be committed. I was learning the skills I would one day need to be committed to my husband. Those years while single are very, very important. 

You can have a happy marriage even after having made a lot of mistakes but it can be so much harder. Sometimes it is almost impossible.

If you are single, are you prepared for marriage? Are you practicing commitment to God and family? If you are away from family, will you stay committed to Christ?
If you’re married, were you prepared for marriage? What is the best advice you would give someone that is single?  Please share in the comments. 

This is Day 7 of 31 Days Building Commitment based upon my book Don’t Quit: Build a Legacy of Commitment.

In the next couple of days I will be sharing about the struggles and challenges I faced with commitment once I entered college. I also will have a guest post by my husband about what life was like for him as a teenager and his commitment before marriage.

 

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Commitment in Marriage (Guest Post by My Dad)

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This is a guest post by my dad, Paul Clark. He and my mom have been happily  married 40 years and raised 3 children. All 3 of whom are very committed to our spouses and our families.

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Art Credit: Joshua K. Maness

It has been well said that when it comes to providing the farmer his breakfast, the cow and the hen are involved but the pig is committed. The cow can stop giving milk and the hen can stop laying eggs but for the pig there is no turning back. Commitment should be viewed just this way.

Once you jump off a cliff you are committed. There is no turning back and no changing your mind. At the point one jumps, at the point one says “I do” there is no turning back. That is true commitment. When the wedding vows say “for better or for worse, through good times and bad, until death do us part,” they mean just that.

Once the vows have been made and the commitment is underway thoughts of going back, giving up, turning around should never enter one’s mind. One has jumped and it is too late to turn back they are now committed. If divorce comes, then commitment or at the least bilateral commitment never existed.

One can react to this impossibility of going back or stopping that to which they have committed, in different ways. One can be motivated by nobility and integrity to get them through the bad times and thus praise their own strength of character and enlist the same praise from others to comfort them in their misery. One may be motivated by stubbornness to maintain their commitment.

However, there is a better way. That way is love. Love makes true commitment possible. When turning back is not an option, when the vows have been made and reneging on them is not a possibility then solving problems and coping with troubles that arise in marriage and family life are left with but one tool and that is love.

The Bible teaches us that

“Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails!”

– 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 CEV

 

When a man and a woman truly love each other, true commitment will exist. Its proof is found in duration. Love and true commitment will weather every storm, EVERY storm!

Is it possible for a couple to be married for forty years and never once consider divorce or separation? This author will testify that it is indeed! True love and commitment causes a couple to stay together and causes them to be unable to envision , imagine, contemplate, or in any way desire life apart.

There is another commitment that helps with the marriage commitment. If the man and the woman will each commit themselves to God first and put God first in their lives then as they both strive to be pleasing to God they will discover that they will be pleasing to each other. True commitment to God makes commitment to marriage and family very achievable.

 

So how about you? Are you committed? Will you be the Chicken, the Cow, or the Pig in your marriage?  Feel free to share in the comments.

paulclarkPaul Clark, the pastor of Walnut Street Baptist Church in Hillsboro, Tx., has a Doctorates Degree in Theology from Texas Baptist Institute-Seminary. He and his beloved wife, Janie have been married 40 years come December. You can find out more about Bro. Paul and connect with him on his website at http://baptistville.org. You can also subscribe to his YouTube Channel here.

This is Day 5 of 31 Days Building Commitment. Check back tomorrow to see how a single person can prepare for their future marriage.

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Dear World, You Need A Lesson On Commitment

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I am joining several other writers to reply to Josh Irby’s “Open Letter Challenge“.  On his blog he asked us to answer his free download an open letter from the world with a letter of our own. I thought it would be fitting to start my 31 Days of Commitment with this letter.

scottstacieDear World,

It is scary writing this letter when I don’t know how you will respond. I know you say that I have a message that you need to hear. Sometimes it is awful hard to give you that message. I know some people will respond positively to what I have to say but then again they are not of this world.

If I could get one message across to you and change one person’s life in the process, I would do my best to give you a lesson on commitment. That is the biggest problem you seem to have. You are very selfish. It is hard to see what is best for everyone else if you are only concerned about yourself and what you want.

You want someone to love you. You don’t necessarily want to love them back. You are looking for someone to meet your needs. It’s too much work to meet there’s.

Life is not all about you. Life is about commitment. You have to think of other people and how your actions will affect them. This is a lesson that you cannot learn in a normal school. This is a lesson that you will only learn from the example of others that live commitment out.

Look at someone that are committed to their spouse and refuse to stray from their commitment and you will see a good example to follow. I know it is hard to find people that are committed. It is beginning to look like it is really getting scarce in our society.

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“Where is commitment to be found?” you ask. I understand your concern and it is very valid.

Preachers and their families should be a good place to look to for modeling commitment in marriage. After all the Bible says they are to be examples.

“A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having [his] children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);” – 1 Timothy 3:2-5 NKJV

Yet every time I see another preacher’s wife leave her husband for another man, or a preacher that runs off with another woman, I cringe. I realize that no one is perfect but preachers’ families live in glass houses. I know you are watching us to see if we fall. 

We are suppose to be the ones that you can look up to as an example of how God would have us to live. But if preachers don’t have commitment figured out, who will teach you.

That is why I am here. This is why I am writing this letter. I will love my husband and model true commitment for you.

If you will read what I have to say I will teach you. Even when you get mad at me. I will keep giving the message God wants me to give. 

Now take your fingers out of your ears. I know this is hard to hear. It’s hard to give up the things you enjoy in order to do what is right. That takes real commitment. But if you would look ahead at what the future could hold if you would only be committed to what you set out to do.

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Life is so much better when you put out the effort to get along with your family. I realize everyone has different circumstances. I’m not saying you have to be a doormat to get along. You can be strong. It takes a lot of strength to be faithfully committed. Especially with the mess you are in the midst of right now.

This is a hard letter to write but I realize you needed me to write it anyway. How will you ever know what you need if no one ever tells you? I will keep on writing. You need to hear what I have to say.

“Where [is] the wise? Where [is] the scribe? Where [is] the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?” – 1 Corinthians 1:20 NKJV

Sincerely,

Anastacia Maness

What would you like to tell the world? Will you strive to be committed? As always feel free to share in the comments.

Tomorrow I will be continuing to write on building commitment for the next 31 Days. Don’t worry I won’t be writing every post as a letter. 🙂

If you haven’t gotten your free copy of my book yet, you can download it here. My posts this month will be expounding on what I have written in my book. 

Thanks for listening!

~♥~ Anastacia ~♥~

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Five Minute Friday: Friend

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I bet you were wondering if I was going to join in at Lisa Jo’s for another Five Minute Friday today. I know I had two other posts this week but there isn’t much that will stop me from taking at least 5 minutes on Fridays to write.

Here’s the rules from Lisa Jo’s sight:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

Today’s prompt is “Friend“.

My timer is set.

And GO!

All the bride's maids in our wedding were my best friends.

My Best Friends

When I was a child, I met my first friend in Kindergarten. We didn’t become best friends until Second Grade. I don’t even remember how we started playing together. We would play on the playground and started visiting at each other’s houses. She was very popular and seemed so outgoing. I was shy. A lot of the kids in our grade at school wanted to be her friend but not mine. That was very hard. Especially as we would play on the playground and the kids would start arguing with us over my needing to share my friend. I would cry. My friend would take my hand and we would run away.

As we got older our friendship changed. We both found new friends. Then we would meet again and it was like we had never been apart. We could carry on a conversation as if we hadn’t missed a beat.

Stop

Ha! I need to get faster with my thoughts. I did delete the last half a sentence because it didn’t make sense to leave the sentence hanging. 🙂

I was about to talk about how we lost track of each other but then met again in college and then we were in each other’s weddings.

I don’t talk with her much anymore. But I think the friendships we have in our childhood prepare us for how we will be in adulthood. Now my husband is my best friend that I can talk with whenever I want. He knows more about me and my life than any of my friends in school ever did.

He actually encourages me to write. That’s how I found Five Minute Fridays. Through my writing friendships I have found in the past few months. And now I have Five Minute Friday friends. 🙂

Okay. I’ll stop now. I think I might have tacked on a couple of extra minutes worth to the end there. LOL It took me Five minutes just to get the thoughts flowing.

Did you have a childhood friend growing up? Are you still friends? Who do you consider your best friend now?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the word “Friend”. Please share with me in the comments. Let me know if you are writing in Five Minute Friday and I’ll check out your post.

 
Five Minute Friday

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Why I Started the New Year With 1000 Kicks

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karate2013Elisabethmom

Every year on January 1 our karate class practices a Japanese tradition called Hatsu Geiko. We all gather at our dojo to perform 1000 kicks together. After every 100 kicks our Sensei would ask someone randomly to tell what motivates them to keep on going to karate class even when they know it’s going to be hard.

I just knew she might call on me if I didn’t think of something to say. So the whole time I was kicking I was writing my answer in my head.

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My husband and I have been married 16 years. When we first met we were skinny little things. My husband had taken various martial arts off and on before we had met.

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December 2009 (Left to Right): Jonathan, Joshua, Ruth, and Hannah

Then married life hit us along with good cooking and bad eating habits. I don’t have very many pictures of those days. When we were expecting our second child, my husband would come home from work and just lay down on the floor and let our almost two year old son just crawl over him. That was all the energy he had back then. He knew he needed exercise. So he joined a Tae Kwon Do class. I just watched.

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Our karate class in January 2011

Then we were faced with a move a few months later after our daughter was born. We didn’t join any courses for a while but then my husband wanted to find another class in our new location. He found one that met at a YMCA and we both joined that time. My parents watched the babies while we went one night a week to karate classes.

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Mommy and Elijah during Haitsu Geiko January 2011. He was about 10 months old.

We moved again! This time we didn’t find another dojo for a while. I started gaining a lot of weight. I wanted to have a 3rd child but it didn’t seem to be the Lord’s will.

I was depressed! I tired easily. My back and neck both hurt.

After about a year of being depressed, I decided to see a doctor. According to his diagnosis there was nothing wrong with me.

I gave up.

Most of the time giving up is a bad thing. This time it was good.

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Our Family Summer of 2010

 

 

I quit worrying about not having another child. I decided I would just be happy with the two I already had.

I joined a local exercise place for women. I started losing weight. My husband decided he wanted to lose weight as well and found another martial arts school.I could have just let my husband do Martial Arts while I continued my own routine. However I had read in a Marriage book once that it was good for wives to participate in their husband’s hobbies. I decided to join him in Tae Kwon Do.

Then came Baby #3.

Then we moved!

Yes, we moved again. This time my husband had a very physically challenging job so he didn’t really need the extra exercise. I was expecting our 4th baby and decided walking up the stairs where we lived was exercise enough.

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Our Family March 2012 just before Elisabeth was born.

Then we moved again! This time we moved to our present location. We lived here for about a year and a half before I decided we needed to find another place to exercise.

It was about the time Hannah was 4 and wanted to be a football player. I knew she needed a sport and the rest of the family could use some exercise as well. I talked to my husband and he started calling martial arts classes in nearby towns. That’s when we found our present karate family.

Now what keeps me going to karate class?

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We had our family picture taken with Nobuaki Kanazawa in June 2012 at a SKIF seminar held in our dojo.

I’m not exactly what people imagine in a martial artist. You look at me and you see a mother with a whole bunch of kids! I’m not exactly the karate kid. I didn’t even do sports in school.

I do this because I believe that it’s not only good for me to join my husband in the hobbies he enjoys. It’s also good for us to teach our children that we can do things as a family. If mom is sitting on the sidelines or going shopping while the rest of the family works out what message am I giving my kids?

I think that we mothers need to have fun with our families. Even as I get older I can show my kids that I can still have fun.

How about your family? Is there a hobby that y’all enjoy doing altogether as a family? If not can you think of something you can start doing together? 

Please share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear what your family does together for fun.

I am setting my goals on a monthly basis this year. I have a few goals for the year but mostly I’m going to reevaluate monthly. So for the month of January I’ll be trying to post two blog posts a week. I also plan to write one devotional a week. I also plan to write one short story book.

And that’s just my writing goals. I have plenty of family goals for this year as well. Including keeping the dishes out of the sink. Laundry is a whole nother matter. I think I can. I think I can.

Sign up for my free email updates in order not to miss anything. Happy New Year!

 

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Our First Fight: "No, I won’t eat my children!"

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Most people don’t believe that my husband and I ever fight. We’re normally smiling ear to ear no matter where we go.

I don’t want to disappoint you but I need to set the record straight right here and now.

We’re not perfect! There I said it.

In my last post, 16 Happy Years I mentioned that things weren’t always easy during our 16 years of marriage. We have had our moments of what we called in the early years “interesting discussions”.

I’m going to share one of our first fights interesting discussions with you now.

After I met Scott I got a job at the same grocery store he worked at. He told me later that he thought I was coming there because he was there. The truth was I needed a job and a friend of my mom’s just happened to work there. She set me up for an interview with the manager the very week after I met Scott.

I got the job! I scanned groceries while Scott bagged them. We were fast becoming good friends. We both worked late shifts. I would often wait around for about an hour after I got off to wait for him.

Scott took two months off for the summer to go to Honduras. I spent all my summer’s pay checks on phone calls. Then he came back. Asked me to marry him. All those details you can read in my last post here

Scott then returned to Seminary, and working the evening shift. He would often think about the things he studied in school.

One day in Seminary there was a deep theological discussion of how bad mankind’s sin can be.

That discussion stayed in Scott’s mind the rest of the day. He was ready in season and out of season to give an answer. (2 Timothy 4:2)

This is normally a good thing unless your bride-to-be is not a seminary trained theologian. Then you might just get fireworks.

I was waiting in the back room for Scott to clock out. We were about to leave with several other workers. We saw one of the other employees go into the bakery and steal a cookie. I was shocked!

I asked Scott about it. He said that wasn’t the first time that had happened. Then the lesson they discussed that day kicked in. Just as I was about to say it he said, “Don’t say that you wouldn’t do that.”

I looked at him in disbelief. “I would not steal a cookie!” I said emphatically. Did he think that I was so low that I would do such a thing?

He then told me about the verse in the Bible that talks about how times were so bad that even the most upright and delicate women ate their children. Was I suggesting that I was better than them?

My eyes were as big as saucers at that point as I insisted that I would NOT eat my children.
I’d give my children my own limbs if it came to that.

Poor guy thought I was declaring myself incapable of sin.

Once we got to my home we both decided to listen.

I told him about the teacher that I had in elementary that told us not to say we wouldn’t do something because we would. Her example was we should not say we wouldn’t smoke because we might smoke. Well, I didn’t hear the might. I spent several years afraid to say I wouldn’t do something.

Later I realized that it actually was good to be resolved against doing evil. And so I had a firm determination that I wouldn’t do something that I know is wrong.

Scott explained that in his class they discussed Deuteronomy 28:56-57
and talked about how bad mankind can be under dire situations. I can’t say that I wouldn’t steal a cookie if I was hungry enough.

I admitted that I knew I was capable of doing bad things. But I would never eat my children. To me that verse speaks of how spiritually messed up the people during that time were if their best mothers would stoop so low as to eat their children.

Scott was glad to hear that I didn’t think I was perfect. And I was glad to hear him say that I didn’t have to eat my children.



We laugh about it now. Scott even bought a huge pot as a gag gift to me after our firstborn son was born. We used the pot for tamales but the kids sure enjoyed playing in it too.

Have you and your spouse ever had an interesting discussion? How did you finally resolve it?

Next time you have an argument interesting discussion brewing…Listen.

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16 Happy Years

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I’m not going to say they were all easy years. Some were very difficult. However there is a feeling of accomplishment with each obstacle we overcome.

My father, found Scott in Seminary. He would come home from work and tell me all about the questions Scott asked in school that day. My dad held Scott in high regards and was constantly singing his praises.

As the eldest of 3 siblings, I was beginning to get anxious to move out of the house. I was attending a local junior college but wanted more independence. I was willing to consider marriage but thought surely I would find a guy that met my high expectations in college. That didn’t happen. I was sorely disappointed.

Then the day came that I finally gave my dad permission to introduce me to the potential son-in-law of his dreams. Yes, I was slightly skeptical at first. I even told my dad that I would only guarantee one date. Then Dad would have to help me break up with him if I didn’t like him after that date.

My dad went to the seminary the next day handed Scott a business card with my name printed on the back and said, “Scott, my daughter really wants to meet you!”

I was rather embarrassed that my dad worded it that way. “Dad! You, made me sound desperate!”

Scott didn’t seem to mind that though. He might not have called if it weren’t for my dad making it sound like I really wanted him to.

Thankfully my dad answered the phone the day Scott called. He was coming to our church that Wednesday night. I was nervous!

My dad was preaching when Scott came in. We were a part of a small church. Scott claims he sat behind the prettiest girl in the auditorium. I’ll go ahead and believe him even though I was probably the only obviously eligible girl in the room.

After the service we all talked. No it wasn’t love at first sight for either of us. How does someone fall in love with a complete stranger just by looking at them? He seemed nice and was kind of cute but I wouldn’t describe it as love until I was sure.

My dad took us all out for ice cream after the service. I called our first date, “Date with Dad.” My dad did most of the talking and Scott knew how to talk to him. So I sat at an opposite table and just listened mostly.

I guess after that first date with my dad, Scott knew my dad would be a good father-in-law.

The next time I saw him I invited him to my band concert in college.

Easter Sunday, my Mema had invited him to eat with our family at her house. I picked Scott up that day. He was playing his guitar on his porch steps. We talked all the way to my grandmother’s house and all the way back. He wasn’t too shy to talk and yet didn’t mind listening either. I think that was the day that I decided he was a keeper. I didn’t know how he felt but I decided I wouldn’t be the one to leave.

Then one day he took me to the zoo. He asked me if he could hold my hand. Ah ha! He didn’t realize that he might as well have proposed to me. I agreed. He picked me a flower off the side of the road.

That summer he visited a Missionary in Honduras for 2 months. I spent all my money on phone bills that summer. We still have the numerous letters we wrote back and forth to each other.

Early one morning, he called my Dad and asked if he could marry me. My dad told him, “That’s why I gave you that card.” Scott asked my dad if he could get my ring size without my knowing.

The next day my dad asked me and my sister if we had any idea as to how he could find out my mother’s ring size without her knowing. He said that he was thinking about getting her a ring.

We asked which finger and he said he wasn’t sure. So we decided the best way was to get everyone in the family to measure all their fingers. Well, our idea didn’t work because mom never did measure her finger. I think my dad was smarter than I was.

Then Scott arrived back from Honduras. He imagined the perfect setting to ask me to marry him. However we went to a wedding that night and the rumor had gotten out that we were engaged already. Poor Scott didn’t know how to tell people that he hadn’t asked me yet. He decided that night that he better go ahead and ask.

We almost set our wedding day to be on my birthday in December. However that was an awfully busy time of year for his mother to come. We decided to move the date up to Thanksgiving. He thought he’d be able to remember it better that way.

Thanksgiving day, November 28, 1996, I married my knight in shining armour. Life might not have always been easy for us down the rocky roads of life but 16 years and 6 children later we have really been blessed.

How long have you been married? Where did the two of you meet? If you’re not married yet, do you know what you are looking for?

Never settle for less than God’s best.
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